Nursing

Isa 43:2 — When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.

I let my feeling be known that I wanted to breastfeed. The hospital sent in a Lactation Specialist that put on a video and left the room. I cried and I tried to recreate what this video was showing. Since Alia was born so early my body wasn't ready to produce milk. I worked at it for a long time crying and trying to hand express until I finality started lactating. Everyone in the NICU was very excited to get the milk. They called in liquid Gold. You would t 

I was determined and can understand how if not given support a woman can want to stop or not try at all. I have no idea what made me persevere but somehow I made it through. I had a friend that tried to convince me that I should give formula. I found out later that she had wanted to breastfeed but stopped because she didn't have the support from friends and family. I read a article about how people can be jealous of you and try to force you into the same situation they had. She kept telling probiotics of formula was so great and formula was just as good. We are talking every time she saw me even while I was pregnant. You can breastfeed, you just have to want to. I contribute two things to the health of my baby: breast milk and that she was not alone. Breast milk is what God made for your baby. One of the nurses brought up a fun fact "We are the only animal that feed our babies another animals milk" 

I pumped for the entire 3 months she was in the hospital. She wouldn't really even try to nurse. I attempted on several occasions and once moved to a larger hospital had a wonderful Lactation team, but only got her to nurse a few minutes a few times. I told everyone if I have to pump for a year then that is what I will do. It was maybe a week after I go her home she started to nurse. Then one day she absolutely would not take a bottle. We are talking spit it out of her mouth cry, she really didn't want anything to do with it. I was a proud Momma that day. She needed me and it was something only I could give to her from this moment on.

Well to say our journey is over just wouldn't be truthful. I have been Nursing her for about 4 months. Her schedule is crazy, she is a snacker. She wants to Nurse a little here and a little there. She doesn't nurse for 20 mins and go hours without nursing again. So, it makes everything a little harder. Going to the store... am I going to have to nurse her while shopping? Maybe and sometimes I do. I try to plan but when she wants to east, she wants to eat. I have heard that nursing on demand is what is best for the baby, not that I really had a choice in the matter.

I do come from a family that breastfeeds and really didn't ever have another though. Babies breastfeed and that is that. My family was wonderful and really encouraged me, but to be honest I didn't needed it. I would have it no other way. 

Alia's Birth

The birth of a preemie is filled with emotions. The excitement and fear is overwhelming to say the least. For many of us the road is long and hard while others it all seems to work out rather quickly. My daughter Alia was born on May 1 2012 5:03 weighing 1lb 11oz and 13in long and we spend three months in the NICU. When I say we people ask if I had complications. I say we because I didn't leave her side, yes there was twice that I went longer then 24 hours without seeing her but that was it. I stayed by her side by day and a couch (or if I got a bed at the Ronald McDonald house) by night. It was the hardest time of my life and pray that those going through it or have to battle in the future have the strength to face it head on. It is so hard to see the other babies in there with no one to hold, no one to fight with them. I know that there are situations that are unavoidable and most can not spend every waking moment in a hospital but if you can it is so worth it. I know that Alia could feel me there and drew strength from me. All odds were against her and she has come out so strong. There were set backs and ups and downs that we all have to deal with. On one occasion she had a NEC (Necrotizing Enterocolitis) scare. This is an infection in the gut and it kills the intestines. I prayed so hard for her when we got the news. I had a friend in there who baby had to have surgery from it. She was on feeding tubes, breathing machines, tubes and wires and nurses and doctors day in/day out...

It wasn't until she was 11 days old that I got to hold her. Not what a new mother has in mind. I find it difficult not to feel some animosity toward those that get the normal birth experience and hold their angels within minutes of delivery. Alia was whisked away before I could even see her. People were in and out explaining this and that and I can remember nodding my head but couldn't really let myself listen to what could be wrong. If I were to really listen to them it would have scared me worse I had to just keep praying. It was all happening so fast. I arrived at the hospital at 12pm and was checked by a doctor at about 4pm and rushed to L&D. My water broke shortly after and I had to scream to let them know it was time. There were about 20 people in the small room and so much chaos, they didn't know what team they would need or if she would even breath on her own. I just had to have a one on one with God but couldn't concentrate on anything (you know the normal labor brain) so instead I saying a good ole hymn that most know "Amazing Grace" In my picture perfect delivery Masterpiece by Sandi Patty was to be played. The Doctor wheeled over and really never said a word. I had lots of women screaming for me to push at different times. I am still not sure how the labor is supposed to go but mine was not like on TV. Two people grabbed my legs and tried to put me in some foreign yoga position with my knees up to my chest, on TV they use stirrup. No one explained what they were doing or how to push or when or anything. I know it was chaotic but everyone was yelling at me. The nurse even told me she wouldn't hold my leg, like I had asked her to or something. I final fought back every one and got in a more seated position so I could see the doctors face. He nodded his head and I pushed her right out. All I am saying is if they had explained what I was supposed to do or what they were doing to/for me it would have sped things along. Her Papa ran behind them to the NICU and she extended her tinny hand and grabbed his finger.

Through the chaos God's perfect plan bloomed.

Psalms 139:13-14 “You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.”